And there lies your strength and weakness in the midst of grief. Grief may overwhelm you and lead to inability to act or react. Or you may become resilient, learning to live with today’s shared grief. Grief is a sobering reality that changes you forever and not necessarily in negative ways. It can also inspire you to take action in the name of our common humanity.
Dear Neighbor,
In my 70s, I have experienced loss at numerous times and in numerous ways. Loss of loved ones, loss of opportunities, loss of trust, loss of things I took for granted as guaranteed norms. I truly believe that many of us, myself included, are living in the throes of grief as we approach the end of 2025 and nearly a year of unprecedented changes in our nation.
If you have yet to experience deep grief, it can be rather surreal. Life continues in all its daily routines, while you find yourself wanting to shout, “how can you act as if everything is normal?” And then you find yourself doing the laundry, going to the grocery store, laughing at something funny, or at least trying to go through the motions of living a life. Except —
The grief is always there in the background and you realize you just can’t ignore it. It’s why you find yourself being impatient and sometimes intolerant with everyday things that currently don’t feel that important.
Grief can make you strident and it can also make you fearless.
Most recently, I find myself grieving because people I know who fit a certain profile are being detained and questioned, are afraid to leave their homes, or now travel with copies of their official documents when in public. Others are willing to be “bait” to identify possible ICE presence as rumors explode with Border Patrol and ICE focus in NC. In response, many ordinary citizens are dropping whatever they are doing to mobilize and reassure their neighbors that they are willing to be an ally in the light of what many consider injustice and unlawful in our United States, particularly as it becomes more apparent that citizens are being detained; people following a legal path are taken; and non-violent residents and families are victims of unnecessary trauma. Cruelty doesn’t seem to make America a safer place.
A common agreement within my community is that violent criminals should be apprehended. A common refrain to the current state of enforcement by ICE and Border Patrol is “I don’t agree with this.” or “This is not what I expected.” Is that because these actions that we are watching in real time denigrates our humanity?
Last week I saw one of Time’s 100 Photos of the Year. The composition focuses on a corner of a building and shows an image in which neither of the two parties depicted were aware of the other person around the corner. Both were visibly shaken. A security guard is wiping away tears on one side of the building while a wife and her child are weeping after the taking of the father by ICE moments before. Like the security guard, we are now all witnesses unless we choose to look away.
And there lies your strength and weakness in the midst of grief. Grief may overwhelm you and lead to inability to act or react. Or you may become resilient, learning to live with today’s shared grief. Grief is a sobering reality that changes you forever and not necessarily in negative ways. It can also inspire you to take action in the name of our common humanity.
“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.