It is so very hard to practice self-restraint. However, in my opinion, if we all did, we would have far more civil discourse and be able to make progress as a nation on issues that deserve a united front – such as the current state of hunger in our nation.

Dear Neighbor, 

Words. Words are powerful. Words communicate emotions, ideas, and information. Words have the power to educate, to influence, to comfort, to calm, to heal, to express love, acceptance, and peace. Conversely, words have the power to harm, to frighten, to brainwash, to express disgust, anger, and hatred. Words are powerful.

We all use words every day in all of our communications, with self and with others. We use not only the words we choose, but also the vocal intonations, facial expressions, and body language to convey our thoughts and feelings. In fact, up to 80% of the message is communicated through body language and intonation.

We all know how it feels to be on the receiving end of sharp words or messages that feel more than a bit disrespectful. We know how hard it is to control ourselves and not answer in the same manner. While there are occasions for which a sharp or angry response is appropriate, it seems that this is more the norm than opting for civility.

Why do we, as a nation, seem to prefer to “communicate” in a manner that does not promote respect, understanding, or civility? 

Why do we seem to be so sure that if we say things louder, more profane, more insulting or disrespectful, or more forceful that our message will be heard and considered? My grandmother and mother always said, “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” So why do many people spew forth not just vinegar, but also toxic waste?

I challenge you to look at how you interact with others, particularly those with whom you disagree. Do you get louder or more aggressive if you think they are not listening to you? Can you hear  them out and try to understand the points they are making, even if you don’t agree? It is so very hard to practice self-restraint. However, in my opinion, if we all did, we would have far more civil discourse and be able to make progress as a nation on issues that deserve a united front – such as the current state of hunger in our nation. Find someone with whom you strongly disagree and attempt to have a reasoned conversation. Will you try?

“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.