I have often asked myself have I stood with my country as it struggles with what it means to participate in a global setting yet be a country separate from others.

Dear Neighbor, 

Do you struggle with what it means to be patriotic? Over the years I found myself wondering if I was really a patriot. I have often asked myself have I stood with my country as it struggles with what it means to participate in a global setting yet be a country separate from others.

Nothing woke me up like facing a group of classmates at our 15th class reunion. As I walked into the dining room of the evening gathering, five men cornered me, sat me down and began inquiring about my past 15 years out of high school. All of them were drafted, all of them saw war, all of them had experiences I had avoided by not being drafted.

Let me explain. I married young, had children, was in college and graduate school for most of the VietNam Conflict. On top of that I studied to be a minister. All of that kept me out of the Conflict. I had nothing to be ashamed of, except they also knew I counseled young men about deciding whether to be a Conscientious Objector. They remembered me as a leader, a jock, a person they could count on – at least they thought that. In their eyes I avoided something they could not. I was not a patriot.

That was not a comfortable gathering. And when I drove home I assumed that might be my last reunion. I felt guilty and embarrassed. In their eyes I had failed them and failed my country.

Years later I attended another class reunion. And guess who met me at the door? Four of the five soldiers, 35 years later. And guess what they wanted to do? They wanted to know if the rumors, articles in the paper, stories of my last years were true. Keep in mind, I avoided war, I slipped through the system, I hid under the guise of family, college, and graduate school. In their eyes I was not a patriot, not a true American, not a person who believed in our country.

What they heard about me was all true. But, they were respectful, caring and understanding.  

I shared my experiences with Martin Luther King, Jr and Caesar Chavez. They heard of my close association with the LGBTQ+ community and the difficulty I had with the church. They were surprised I marched with Joan Baez, the Berrigan Brothers and Father Roy Bourgeois, ending up either detained or arrested as we fought against the VietNam Conflict, which I considered patriotic. They couldn’t conceive I would go to Central America to protest American organizations taking over the rivers in order to mine the hills of their countries. They wanted to know why I would take delegations to Haiti to help people understand their plight, that we help create. And they thought I was crazy to enter a ‘live’ bombing range on Vieques, Puerto Rico, so that the bombing would stop as children were in school, farmers were working the fields, babies were being born at the hospital. For that I spent time in a maximum security prison. That was my patriotism.  

There was silence, no questions, just five older men wondering where our country will go.

“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.